My Irresponsible Smile

I don't usually smile, or maybe I do… I guess sometimes I don't really know it anymore and I get confused… I think I like smiling, from heart... Or is it just a pale reflection from others around? I tease and I mock as I proclaim humour, happiness and optimism but how much of that is not just a strong arm wrestling against something I cannot even define? Today I feel like a walking contradiction to those assumptions that I don't even feel the joy while writing... I feel lost in a blended emotional/rational compound and I start thinking that emotionless is from where I should not had left... Oh, I was so glad I left and re-learned to smile and uncontrollable smile... This probably looks like an insane despair once I want to continue smiling even though I might feel that would be irresponsible...

My Second Year

João can now seat...

Peacefully...

He grabs his headphones... Finally!

Some time for himself... Press play...

I had these two tiring working days, from 9am (yesterday) to almost 8pm (today) with not a huge amount of sleeping hours, about 4 hours of sleep... and after cleaning kitchen from previous dinners and inclusively having dinner... here I sit... in this so called padded chair with the laptop atop my legs (laptop atop?...is that correct english?...I liked it...)... Suddenly a sad, but beautiful, song starts playing in my iTunes... Portuguese group... The Gift... usually they sing in English, but this one I am hearing is in Portuguese... Fácil de Entender...I am in a quiet, calm, ease state of mind... It feels really good... Just want to close my eyes and leave the purest thoughts flow from each hidden corner of my spirit with no control about any of them... To get lost... Picturing the breathe confronting each single pore in my face, probably even rain drops when lying down in the grass... Today is the day completing my second year and I am far and I am tired... (incomplete writing...)